Parent’s Bed “Different Kind of Intimacy” (Ages 3-8)
When I was a small child, my parents discouraged me from entering their bedroom, unless it was absolutely necessary. I sensed necessary meant that, at a minimum, a nuclear strike had to be imminent. I was almost sure their attitude stemmed from fear that I might catch them watching cartoons. Of course, as I got older I realized their embarrassment was over their appetite for—you know—The Three Stooges.
The physical barrier my parents erected translated into a communication barrier, and a reduction of intimacy—the intimacy between parent and child.
When Saturday or Sunday rolls around and you don’t have to be dressed to be somewhere to do something, resist the urge to get out of bed. Instead, wait for your children to arise. (This has been known to happen in reverse.) When you see their spirited grins peeking around your bedroom door, wave them into your bed and suspend time. This unique setting presents the perfect climate for bonding, as everyone is:
1. Refreshed from a good night’s sleep.
2. Casual, with no clothes, hair, or make-up to mess up.
3. Comfortable and warm.
4. Removed from the distractions of the world.
5. Physically accessible.
These elements, combined with a childproof environment, set the stage for active play such as:
• tickling
• wrestling
• pillow fighting
• rolling
• giggling
• hiding
Passive activities include:
• cuddling
• stroking
• tummy sitting
• hugging
• snuggling
Thoughtful conversation involves planning the day’s activities, solving problems, or providing reassurance after a difficult night’s sleep or bad dream.
Lolling about in bed is a family endeavor often overlooked, because it is so simple as to be a virtual non–activity. Don’t let this fool you, though. It’s as strong and everlasting as bedrock.
Rex Bowlby is the father of two boys. He is the author of the book, Why Would I Want the Toy, When I Can Have the Box? (101 Ways to Make the Most of Your Children, With the Least from Your Wallet*) *For parents with children ages 3-8. He lives in Los Angeles, California, USA.