10 Tips for Making Time-outs Work
When your child acts up intentionally or unintentionally, there is a strategy called Time-out to help you get your child back on the track. The main idea is to keep your child isolated for a limited period of time so that he/she will be calm down. In doing so, the inappropriate behavior of your child will be discouraged and new coping skills are expected to come into place. It also gives you, as a parent, a time to separate feelings of anger toward your child for his/her misbehavior and a chance to develop a plan for discipline.
Many parents find time-outs work for their kids, while others don’t. Most importantly, you need to understand what time-outs can do and cannot do for both your child and you. Otherwise, you will feel frustrated due to unrealistic expectations. Here are 10 tips for making time-outs work:
1. Understand the purpose of using time-outs is to interrupt or stop the undesirable behavior of your child. You have to beware of the limitation of time-outs. It doesn’t help your child establish a new behavior pattern unless you explain and teach him/her to do so. Thus, you can’t expect too much from this technique. When your child doesn’t listen to your words, “No” or “Stop”. Calling for Time-outs is a wise approach at these moments because it will send a strong message to your child and help him/her get into a habit of listening to you. You don’t need to yell at your child or use any violent form of expression.
2. Find a safe and suitable place for administering time-outs. Usually a chair for him/her to sit, a corner or a wall where he/she stands against will do. From my experience, if my child knows that I’ll be watching over her, the outcome will be better. If your child thinks that you don’t know what he/she is doing, he/she will leave the time-out spot or do something you don’t want.
3. Decide which type of behavior warrants a time-out and try to follow through consistently. It is very important that your partner supports and follows similar guidelines when using a time-out.
4. Use time-outs for children who turn three year old and are able to understand rules, as time-outs work more effectively for these children. Some experts suggest “positive time-outs” strategy for younger children who don’t understand the expectations and rules of time-outs. So they suggest that when you administer a time-out for a younger child, you do some activities, like reading a story book or playing puzzles with him/her. It’s called “positive time-outs”. However, this approach will send a confusing message to your child. It will encourage your child seek your attention and misbehave so that he/her can have a “positive time-out” with you. It is wise that you don’t use time-outs until your child is old enough.
5. The length of time-out should be appropriate to the age and the severity of misbehavior. Many experts recommend approximately one minute per year of age. I found that whether you can achieve the purpose of time-out is more important than whether you complete the assigned length of time. Thus, don’t administer a time-out too long for your child.
6. Use the timer of oven or alarm clock to help your child know when it is finished , if your child has not completely grasped the concept of time. This method will help your child cooperate with you more. He/she won’t feel the time-out is too long and get frustrated. So your child doesn’t need to find something to “amuse” himself/herself and acts up again during time-out.
7. Must give a verbal warning before carrying out a time-out. It will help your child make the right choice. If your child listens to your warning and stop the undesirable behavior, you have already achieved the goal. But if your child chooses to continue in doing the “bad” behavior, you should use actions to back up your words and give him/her a time-out.
8. Don’t overuse it. Remember every discipline strategy has its own strength and weakness. If any strategy is oversued, the effectiveness of it will be reduced as well. Think about if there is any other alternative that would be more effective.
9. Be consistent. Consistency is the key to success. Once your child has learnt the rules of time-out, your life will be much easier.
10. Remember to counsel your child when a time-out finishes. In doing so, you can confirm that your child understands why he/has has had a time-out. More importantly, you can reaffirm the relationship between your child and you.
Reference:
Child Time-out [wikipedia.org]