Parenting Your Teenager: Responding to a Poor Progress Report in School
Q. We just got our daughter’s progress report, and it looks as if no matter how hard she works she’ll get all C’s and D’s, when she had been getting A’s and B’s. What do you recommend to help her do better next nine weeks?
A. There could be many issues going on, but here’s the best simple, quick-start suggestion I can offer.
You already know what the outcome will be for this report card, so there doesn’t need to be any weeping and gnashing of teeth or high drama when the report card arrives.
When you get her report card, on a separate sheet of paper, make three columns.
In the first column, list her classes.
In the second column, list the grade in each class.
In the third column, list the grade that is the goal for the next report card.
While she certainly may be capable of raising each class more than one letter grade, that’s the goal I suggest you set. If she got a D, then the goal is a C. If she got a C, then the goal is a B, and so on.
In this way, she experiences the task ahead as doable, and you get to see good results, if
she raises each class by one letter grade. In just two grading periods, a D can be a B and a C can be an A. It’s also certainly acceptable if she exceeds the goal and improves more than one letter grade in any class.
Visit ParentingYourTeenager.com for tips and tools for thriving during the teen years. You can also subscribe to our f*r*e*e 5 day e-program on The Top 5 Things to Never Say to Your Teenager, from parenting coach and expert Jeff Herring.
March 12th, 2008 at 1:59 am
There’s no doubt that grades are important! Because they are so important, many parents make the mistake of displaying a lot of anger and frustration when their kids get poor ones. When this happens, kids spend more energy thinking about their parents’ anger and frustration than thinking about how their grades will affect their lives. Listed below are some quick tips from Love and Logic (www.loveandlogic.com) for responding to poor grades:
• Spend most of your energy commenting on the good grades. The key is to help your child feel so good about what they do well that they will be willing to work harder at what they don’t do well.
• Display sadness over the bad grades. Experiment with saying, “This is so sad. I’m sure glad that I didn’t get that grade. The good news is that we are going to love you regardless of how well or poorly you do in school.”
• Ask questions about the bad grades like “What are your thoughts about the grade?” or “Do you have any plan to deal with the subject?” or “What sort of help can we give you on this?”
• If consequences for poor grades aren’t motivating your child to do their work, stop providing them. When this occurs, it means that there are other issues that need to be dealt with first. These include helping your child develop a better self-concept, teaching them responsibility through chores, helping them with learning problems or different learning styles, etc.
• Remember that good character is more important for life-long success than good grades.
March 15th, 2008 at 2:08 pm
What an interesting article! Most parents can relate to this at some point in their child’s educational career. Thank you for such great tips and suggestions.