According to Dr. Chapman, to some children, physical touch is their primary love language:

Samantha is a fifth-grader whose family recently moved to a new community. “It’s been hard this year, moving and having to make new friends. Back at my old school, I knew everybody and they knew me.” When we asked if she ever felt as if her parents didn’t love her because they took her away from her old school and town, Samantha said, “Oh, no, I never felt they did this on purpose. I know they love me, because they always give me lots of extra hugs and kisses. I wish we hadn’t had to move, but I know Daddy’s job is important.”

We can clearly see Samantha feels loved by her parents’ physical touch through which she would have gathered inner strength to go through changes and difficulties in life.

Maybe you are not a “toucher” by nature, welcome you on board. Neither am I, as my parents didn’t know how to speak this kind of language at all. But I found that as parents, we can learn along the way as our children grow and if they need it.

Here are some tips for parents on how to speak the love language based on Dr. Chapman’s work:

Your Infant or Toddler:
It’s very natural and easy for parents to express their love to their babies and toddlers because they are really cute and lovely. You can’t help to hug or kiss them. Most importantly, little children need plenty of loving touches that are vital to their emotional development. So take time to:

• Hold and cuddle your baby or toddler.

• Even if you are very busy with your daily routine, arrange some time to play and touch him/her.

• Don’t leave your infant in a crib alone for a long time unattended.

• Have your toddler sit on your lap while reading.

• Boys and girls alike need physical affection, yet young boys often receive less than young girls. Some parents fear that physical affection will somehow feminize a boy. It’s not true.

Your School-age Child:

• Give your child a hug as he/she leaves for school or returns home. This will increase the sense of inner security throughout the day.

• Boys at this age might react a bit of resistant to affectionate touch, yet they still need physical touch, but in a form of vigorous contact such as wrestling, jostling, playful hitting, bear hugs, give-me-fives and the like.

• Girls also tend to resist the softer touches as well, but unlike boys, they don’t go through the affection-resistant stage as boys.

• Any ball games, like basketball, football and soccer are combining both quality time and physical touch. So encourage them to join.

• When your child is sick, hurt physically or emotionally, appropriate physical touch is important at these times.

Your Pre-adolescent Child:

• As your boy is growing bigger and stronger, he might pull back from touch, especially in public, or with a fear of being seen as too feminine.

• As for girls, it’s a difficult time for them to work out how to relate to the opposite sex. Generally at this stage mothers provide more physical affection than fathers do.

Your Teenager:

• Show your love in positive ways at the right times and places.

• Mothers should never hug a son in the presence of his peers because such behavior embarrasses him. But in the privacy of the home after the son has had a grueling football practice, his mother’s hug may indeed be received as an expression of love.

• At times, they might pull away from your embrace or jump back when you touch their shoulder, don’t pursue it.

• However, teens do need hugs, pats on the back and other physical expression of love. When they feel loved, and their emotional tank filled, they will return their love to you.

Related articles:

Know How to Speak the Love Language

How to Speak Love Language #2: Words of Affirmation

How to Speak Love Language #3: Quality Time

How to Speak Love Language #4 Gifts

How to Speak Love Language #5 Acts of Service

Why I Chose The Five Love Languages

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This entry was posted on Saturday, February 11th, 2006 at 11:53 pm and is filed under 0-02 yrs: Baby, 02-03 yrs: Toddler, 03-05 yrs: Preschooler, 05-12 yrs: Schooler, 13-18 yrs: Teenager, Behavior, Communication, How-to Tips. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.