How to Speak Love Language #4 Gifts
Would you like to receive gifts? No matter adults or children would like to receive as many gifts as possible. Most children beg for things they like too. But for those children, if their primary love language is receiving gifts, it is a different story though.
When we (Dr. Chapman & Ross Campbell) asked ten-year-old Rachel why she was so sure that her parents loved her, she said, “Come to my room and I’ll show you.” Once in her room, she pointed to a large teddy bear. “They brought me this from California.” And then touching a fluffy stuffed clown, she said, “They bought me this when I went to first grade. And this silly monkey was from their trip to Hawaii for their anniversary.” She continued around the room, pointing out more than a dozen gifts she had received from her parents over the past few years. All of them were in a special place, displaying her parents’ love.
Rachel saw their parents’ gifts as expression of their love. Her love tank was filled up by receiving those gifts.
As gifts are commonly confused with payments (for having done something) or bribes (for expecting to have something done), as parents, we need to know how to speak this language. Otherwise, our children would incline to feel that they are manipulated instead of being loved, if we take the wrong way.
Tips for giving a heartfelt gift:
1. In order for the gift to express heartfelt love, use a combination of other love languages: physical touch, words of affirmation, quality time and service to keep your child’s love tank full. Gifts should be genuine expressions of love. If you want to reward/pay for his/her services rendered for house work or homework, don’t call them gifts. Acknowledge them for what they are.
2. Take time to wrap up the gift and then present it when the family is gathered around the dinner table.
3. Must be selective. Especially for buying toys as gifts, don’t be driven by television ads that parade the latest toys before the eyes of your child, thus create short-term desires. Not every toy needs to be educational, but they should all serve some positive purpose in the life of your child.
4. Be careful. Don’t be tempted to shower your child with gifts as substitutes for the other love languages. Otherwise, your child would be educated to be materialistic and manipulative. Moreover, as a parent, you don’t want your child’s room look like a disorganized toy store as well.
5. It is wise to choose gifts with your child. Ensure to select a gift that your child truly wants.
6. It’s not necessary to buy gifts from a store. Unusual stones picked up from a winding road, or a beautiful shell from a beach, or crafts done by yourself, or even something made out of household items could be a meaningful gift for your child. Wrap and present it in a creative manner. If the present stimulates his/her creativity, it can be meaningful and can bind both of you more closely in love.
If receiving gifts is the primary love language of your child, he/she will respond differently when receiving gifts, such as looking at the wrapping paper with appreciation, or uttering ooh and aah when opening the gift. He/she sees the gift as an extension of you and your love.
Related articles:
Know How to Speak the Love Language
How to Speak Love Language #1: Physical Touch
How to Speak Love Language #2: Words of Affirmation
How to Speak Love Language #3: Quality Time
How to Speak Love Language #5 Acts of Service