Tips for Resolving Sibling Conflicts (Part 2)
Today I’d like to continue to talk about how to resolve sibling rivalry. There are two ways to deal with it: one is quick-fix actions, and the other is long-term cultivations.
Take quick-fix actions wisely:
1. Separate involved children immediately. If children are getting angry in fighting and you don’t think they can resolve themselves, it’s wise to immediately separate them apart to calm down. When they have calmed down and got ready, you can talk to them one-by-one individually.
2. Let them express their feelings to you privately and individually. Have a good communication with them and make them feel they are heard and understood. No matter with young children or teens, good communication is the open door to resolving conflicts normally.
3. Generally, children would feel satisfied when they get their parents’ attention and love, although there are exceptional cases. Their need to fight with their brothers/sisters would be gone and they might say, “I don’t want to play that car again.” If not, help them find out a solution by compromising with the other sibling(s). Offer help and support when needed, especially for younger children.
Cultivate sibling relationships patiently:
If brothers and sisters have a good relationship, not only conflicts between them can be resolved easily, but also reduce fights between them. To cultivate good sibling relationships, some ways I found effective:
1. Lay down a foundation of mutual respect and no comparison with each other. Always get this message to them like this, “You have special talents. Your sister may have won an arts award, but you are good at math, computer and singing. Every person is different and unique.”
2. Set a clear boundary: no hitting, name-calling, yelling or tattling is allowed.
3. Treat every child fairly (not equally) but differently. In fact, no matter how hard parents try to make things equal, such as portions of favourite food, time spent or gifts given, children are bound to find something that’s unfair. So, more importantly, help your children understand that you need to treat them differently because they are different and unique. Say something related to their uniqueness conveying your love to them, “I like the special way you do this.” or “I love spending time with you.”
4. Play games that reinforce cooperations instead of facilitating competitions. For example, when my children were young, they liked playing puzzles. So my husband would buy some 500 or 1000 pieces puzzles back home. We worked together to finish one puzzle. Family fun like this could facilitate relationships. You might have many more ideas of family fun games.
5. Create some opportunities of sharing and addressing everybody’s needs. Every night before dinner, our family has a family/pray time. We take turns to share our needs and concerns. Then we pray for each other one by one. It only takes 15 minutes or so. By doing this, my children gradually learn how to understand other people’s needs and grow to be considerate.
Related articles:
A Win-Win Solution to Sibling Rivalry
Tips for Resolving Sibling Conflicts (Part 1)