Sibling rivalry is very common and not easy to resolve, but with a win-win-solution mentality, parents can help kids resolve most of their conflicts, especially wrestling over quantifiable or measurable things. Sometimes parents would hear their kids saying like this, “He got a new toy. I didn’t. My parents must love him more than they love me.” Generally speaking, kids perceive their parents’ love through acquiring something from their parents. However, the real needs of kids are parents’ love and attention basically. The ways they feel parents’ love are different of course.

Based on this understanding, we, as parents, can be very confidence in resolving sibling conflicts. Here are some parenting tips:

1. Take the win-win approach to let each side gain something. If they are fighting for concrete things, like toys, or measurable things, like time you spend with them, it would be much easier to resolve. Let both sides have equal share and encourage win-win negotiations. Some children are too young and not yet at the stage of understanding the meaning of sharing. It’s a headache indeed. Some people might suggest that parents should step aside and let children sort out by themselves. But it is not safe for your children, if you can’t see the whole process. For the first few times of conflicts, parents should act as the mediator to ensure fair share and teach them how to share.

2. Fix the problem, not try to fix the person during the heat of conflicts. (In calm moments, you can straighten them up if needed, of course.) If not, careless and mean words will slip through your mouth unconsciously. As you don’t want your relationship with children to be hurt, stay calm and use gentle words.

3. Don’t bother the question, “who started it”. Then you won’t fall in the trap of taking sides. Have a cool mind and a listening ear to a both-side story- let children express their feeling fairly. Hold children involved equally responsible when basic principles get breached.

4. Help your kids develop the skills to resolve conflicts on their own. Resolving conflicts is a learned skill. They also need this skill to get along with people at school or at work in the future. I found a very good website for kids on this topic. You can use the information to teach them or recommend it to them.

5. Don’t be tempted to play favoritism. Sometimes parents would feel easier to love the more compliant child than to love the difficult one. Even for the best parents, it is wise to have self-reflection and attitude check now and then.

(To be continued…..)

Related article:

A Win-Win Solution to Sibling Rivalry

Tips for Resolving Sibling Conflicts (Part 2) 

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This entry was posted on Monday, March 6th, 2006 at 10:58 pm and is filed under Behavior, How-to Tips. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.